• Chantelle (for sopranos);

• Grunt (for men); and

• High Jinks (for tenors).

Actually there had better be four: no, not a separate one for altos (they can make do with Chantelle or High Jinks as applicable), but first a section for everyone, which has actual news in it.


ACTUAL NEWS

Much of this is on the website www.ebc.org.uk , but here are the headlines for our email subscribers, and to encourage all of you to (re)visit the site. If I had children, they would probably describe it as cool, funky and/or wicks. And... don’t forget when ordering books, CDs, DVDs, VCs, electronics, software, games, toys, gifts & travel, to visit amazon.co.uk via the EBC website. Every purchase thus made will benefit the choir. It’s so easy, there’s no excuse to forget. They also sell kids, by the look of it.

And links to specific products get us even more commission, so why don’t you get clicking on the Harry Potter video/DVD which comes out next Saturday, 11 May (amazon takes pre-orders at any time). The DVD is at http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00005RDQ0/englishbaroquech , price £16.99, and the video at http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00005RDPZ/englishbaroquech  only £12.99

The big news is (are) our forthcoming quiz night, grand draw and concert.

• Quiz night Sat 18 May 7:30pm, at St Mark’s, Old Marylebone Road. This is an important event for choir fund-raising, but also great fun; tickets are £8.50 each, and include fish & chip supper. Details from Hilary Sillis, quiz@ebc.org.uk or 020 8579 4169.

•  The Grand Draw will take place on the quiz night: tickets (£1 each) are available from Hilary Sillis also, email and phone as above. The first prize is a Kodak DX3600 zoom digital camera plus 128MB compact flash card. Second prize is £100 cash and third is a case of 12 bottles of wine.

• We have an exciting concert coming up: Sat 01 Jun 7:30pm, at St James’s Piccadilly. To mark the Queen’s Golden Jubilee, the theme is royal music. The programme therefore includes coronation music (Handel’s Zadok the Priest, Parry’s I Was Glad, and Vaughan Williams’ O Taste and See), works composed by monarchs (John of Portugal’s Crux Fidelis, and Pastime with Good Company, attributed to Henry VIII), and other royally-associated items.

Looking back to what’s happened since Newsletter 3 (Jun 2001!):

• gigs & tours;

• CDs;

• births; and

• psalm-commemorated birthdays.

Gigs & tours:

• a highly successful concert in Tournon sur Rhône, France, in the context of some enjoyable wine, cuisine, countryside and weather (already reported in words and pictures on the website);

• a celebration of Finzi’s centenary year, at St Paul’s Knightsbridge, including Bernstein’s Chichester Psalms alongside three Finzi works (notably the rarely-performed and exquisite Requiem da Camera);

• Christmas in words and music, at St Cyprian’s Glentworth Street (see below for CD offer);

• a breezy and spume-flecked weekend in Portsmouth (see report in High Jinks, below); and most recently..

• a sell-out triumph in St John’s, Smith Square, featuring Mozart’s Requiem, Salieri’s Mass in D & Allegri’s Miserere (including excellent semi-chorus performances from choir members Louisa, Bronwen & Iestyn).

CDs:

• actually just the one: an exclusive limited edition, “The Great Glad Tidings Tell”, recorded last Christmas in our St Cyprian’s concert which features readings by Crispin Bonham Carter. Available from Jeremy at just £7, and an ideal stocking-filler for that early Christmas shopping. Get them while you can, or be duly “excluded”.

Births:

• to Maria & Lance Rivington, a boy, Aron (Nov 2001);

• Henry, born to Jo & Mark Raffaitin (Jan 2002);

• in Feb 2002, Alice, to Heather Jones & Matt;

• to Susan Chan & Paul in Mar 2002, a boy, Ben; and

• Jeremy, born to Mr & Mrs Jackman in Apr 1952. We recently commemorated the 50th anniversary of this happy event with a superbly-rendered performance of the modified “Psalm JJ50”, even-more-superbly written by Mary Blyth.

On a sadder note, our sympathy to Hilary Sillis, who heard of the death of a dear friend while at the Portsmouth weekend.

Looking further ahead:

• We are delighted to be returning to France in the Summer: this time to Sens (south-east of Paris). We hope that our programme, in the Cathédrale Saint-Etienne (Fri 02 Aug 9:00pm) will be as enthusiastically-received as our performance in Tournon sur Rhône last summer.

• Next season (2002-2003) is the choir’s 25^th anniversary, and an extremely interesting and exciting programme has been arranged...

We start on Sat 19 Oct 2002 at Chelsea Old Church, Cheyne Walk, with a concert to celebrate that church’s major refurbishment. Music will include Bairstow’s Blessed City.

The 25^th Anniversary Gala Concert is in the magnificent setting of the Old Royal Naval College’s Chapel, in Greenwich at 7:30pm on Sat 09 Nov. The centrepiece will be Monteverdi’s sacred masterpiece, the Vespers of 1610.

In December we have two seasonal concerts: Sun 15 Dec in the Victoria & Albert Museum (Raphael Cartoon Court, 2:30pm), and Sat 21 Dec in the Salvation Army’s Regent Hall, 275 Oxford Street (6:30pm).

2003 starts with another of our special workshop weekends: this time in the beautiful and peaceful setting of Douai Abbey, at Upper Woolhampton near Reading (where we will conclude the weekend with choral Evensong).

We return to St John’s, Smith Square on Sun 13 Apr (7:00pm) to perform Bach’s St Matthew Passion. This major concert will feature the Midland Baroque playing original instruments, and these leading soloists: Mark Wilde, James Rutherford, Patrizia Kwella, Catherine Denley and Andrew Tortise.

And to round off what promises to be a memorable and special year, we make welcome return visits to Mere (Wiltshire) on Sat 21 Jun, then later in the summer to France (still to be confirmed).


NOW THEN

EBC is an equal opportunities organisation and we are wary of stereotypes and prejudices, so we will not presume that all sopranos will read Chantelle, all men Grunt etc. To decide which title is right for you, here is a tell-tale questionnaire.

A. How do you travel to rehearsals?
      a) car / tube / bus;
      b) motorcycle / on foot / on horseback;
      c) by taxi: some of those drivers are quite dishy in a rough sort of way; or
      d) by taxi, and charge it to choir expenses.

B. When Hans calls “Everyone in their places now, PLEASE!”, what is your reaction?
      a) you don’t hear him, you’re still at the office;
      b) no need to react, you’re already sitting in place with music open and pencil poised;
      c) sniff derisively; or
      d) truculently squeak “ooh, get you” and sit down somewhat theatrically.

C. How do you prepare for a new musical work in the repertoire?
      a) take a day or two’s leave and learn it;
      b) look over shoulder at neighbour’s copy, try to persuade Rupert that you have really ordered it, photocopy it on eve of concert, crayon in the cover to look like original from a distance;
      c) order the music from Rupert through the website in good time, order CD from amazon (also via EBC website of course), look out for radio / concert hall performances, get rehearsal tape from Mike, actually play the rehearsal tape (and not just in the car); or
      d) been there, done that, just crank it out, mate.

D. What is your approach to mastering a difficult passage?
      a) just sight-read it, like I would sight-read anything else;
      b) tighten throat, puff out cheeks, just go for it, snatch sidelong glances at neighbours, blush / clutch forehead;
      c) try to look straight ahead at the end of the passage, shut first one eye then the other, check that left and right walls are about in the same place and in the same sequence, then walk slowly along the passage, keeping a hand out at each side to ward off collisions; or
      d) pencil in rhythm 1,2,3 etc, mark any exotic intervals, circle tricks such as repeated notes and asymmetric patterns, insert a few Roman-numeral anchors for notable subdominants, dominants and tonics, draw jagged lines round any clashes and spectacles at dubious-looking rits.

E. What do you drink after rehearsals?
      a) lager / spritzer / cocktails;
      b) drink? Tsk! I come to choir to sing;
      c) diet coke / mineral water / fruit juice etc; or
      d) real ale / spirits (methylated or other) / the remainder of the bottle of wine I didn’t get through at the interval.

Now add up your scores:

A. 2 for a) 4 for b) 1 for c) 3 for d)
B. 4 for a) 2 for b) 3 for c) 1 for d)
C. 1 for a) 4 for b) 2 for c) 3 for d)
D. 3 for a) 1 for b) 4 for c) 2 for d)
E. 1 for a) 3 for b) 2 for c) 4 for d)


So how did you do?

0-4: You apparently cannot count, so you don’t belong in a choir: not ours, anyway.

5-8: Oh dear! It seems you’re a tenor. But at least you’ll always be in demand. Read “High Jinks”.

9-12: Girly. You may be keen, but are you having fun? Read “Chantelle”.

13-16: You are very keen, very competent, and somewhat smug. Go audition for an even better choir.

17-20. Congratulations! You work hard and play hard. If you are male, read “Grunt”. If female, er... read all three titles. Because you’re worth it.


CHANTELLE

Ten ways to make Monday nights special for the new you

1. Arrive early for rehearsal, and help set out the chairs, while humming to yourself this week’s chosen tricky passage that you have studied and practised at home over the weekend. Don’t tell anyone that you’ve done any of these things, or you’ll spoil the effect.

2. Don’t just turn up in your work clothes: change into something sassy, feisty and/or pizzazzy (if you can work out what those things mean).

3. Instead of the usual cup of tea, liven up your break with something herbal.

4. Learn to be assertive without being offensive: if your neighbour is singing badly, don’t ignore it, and don’t say (for example) “stop making that horrible noise like a strangled crow”. You can use the skills learned in the workplace to make your point sensitively yet authoritatively. Try “excuse me for mentioning it, but I really feel I can help you improve your life by bringing to your attention the distress that you’re causing me. I’ll buy you a drink if you help me to reinforce our mutual respect for the choir by facilitating the conditions for you to optimise your performance vocal-wise”.

5. Eye up a different bass each week.

6. Don’t rush from work to rehearsal. Leave the office at about 3pm, have a swim and a sauna, then perhaps an aromatherapy session on your way. If your boss gives you any hassle, refer her (or him?!) to The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective People, The Heart Of Success: Making It In Business Without Losing In Life etc. etc.

7. Take something to read during those long waits for the tenors or altos to get the hang of some tricky section. Jane Austen will be coming back into fashion soon, and Shakespeare never goes out of fashion.

8. Invent a new hairstyle, just for Mondays, and don’t tell any of your non-choir friends. Bunches perhaps, or a tiara decorated with treble clefs.

9. Break that sandwich tyranny! Over the years we have published dozens of simple, nourishing, tasty, colourful, healthy and mouth-watering recipes you could knock up in just five minutes with our handbag primus stove and folding wok. And there’s no need to settle for supermarket ingredients; pop into New Covent Garden, New Billingsgate etc in the morning, en route between the gym and the office.

10. For a really special Monday evening, pick two consonants, and swap all occurrences for the duration of the rehearsal (for example, every time you encounter a “b”, sing an “s” instead, and vice versa). It’ll keep you on your toes, and will give Jeremy something extra to worry about. If enough people do this, using a wide enough spread of letters, the effect can be quite exciting.


Spring fashions

 (0)
/oo\
 /II\
 I   I      skirts are flirty

         u
_/o\   |
 /vv\  |
  ii ii  |
  ii ii  |   the peasant look is back

 **
/uu\
 |   |
/\  /\      yet another new name for flares


Health & beauty
This month we look at reflexology:

• scientific mapping of your body’s trouble zones to microscopic areas of your foot with “crystals” in them, or

• just an excuse for a nice massage?

OK, now we’ve looked at that: you can try it out at any EBC workshop weekend. Or in between I suppose.


GRUNT

Beer

How to tell the difference between Young’s, Fuller’s & lager:

• Young’s: dark brown;

• Fuller’s: dark brown, out of a pump with a red label;

• lager: yellowish, fizzy, cold, tastes of p***.

Some people just don’t make the most of their CAMRA membership!

Hideous singing injuries: #93

If you look like a walrus, or sound like a walrus, the chances are that you’ll get your head bitten off by a polar bear. Or Jeremy, at least. [picture censored]


Men behaving badly

Lads! Now you know it’s not enough to just turn up and sing: you’ve gotta have an identity. Build up your profile from the following elements. And while you’re about it, you may as well pigeonhole all your colleagues. How many categories can you identify in a single person?

Key:
O      football crazy
o       cricket bore
0       rugger bu**er
V      octave-dropper
^       tenor
oø     counter-tenor (i.e. counting to one only)
øø     male alto
Ç      lecher
ß       sadist
‰     masochist
ß/‰  sado-masochist
Œ      alcoholic.

Legal note: not all these categories are represented in the EBC.


Football

Not a lot of people know this, but Monty Verdi was a football fan, and some of his greatest music was composed on the terraces of Stamford Bridge. The following passages, and others like them, were first published in 1605 in “The Shed sing Monty’s Greatest Hits”, and were only later incorporated into the famous Vespers.

Frustra vigilat, frustra vigilat qui custodit eam
        It’s no good if you don’t look up; have a look man; and who’s marking him?!

Vanum est vobis ante lucem surgere
        There’s a man wide, can’t you see for the floodlights?

Surgite, surgite postquam sederitis, qui manducatis panem doloris
        Get up, get up, before someone gives you an Oscar or a real pain to sit down with!

Ecce haereditas domini
        We question the referee’s legitimacy


HIGH JINKS

C-clefs: a user’s guide for tenors

.        .       .         .       .        .        .         .       ./        .
||   |     .      ||   |     .      ||  /      .      ||/        .      ||\       .
||   |     .      ||  /      .      ||/        .      ||\        .      ||  \     .
||  /      .      ||/        .      ||\        .      ||  \      .      ||   |    .
||/       .       ||\        .      ||  \      .      ||   |     .      ||   |     .
  \

  no           no           no         yes         no

In the next issue: what this means for the notes that you sing.


Hello sailor

The English Baroque Choir had a super weekend away in early February, with “workshop” sessions Saturday and Sunday, followed by choral Evensong. Effusive thanks to Jeremy for presenting us with such a wide range of music, from Psalm 84 (garage mix) to the Beatles, and making the weekend so stimulating and useful. Also to Angela for the invigorating and ground-breaking (literally, in some cases) introductory exercises. We would also like to thank our hosts at the Cathedral... ah, yes, where were we? Portsmouth has two Cathedrals, but we found the right one, in the High Street. Portsmouth is also famous for sailors, although we didn’t spy any. But this did not stop us commemorating the weekend with a sea shanty...

        (verse 1)
Where can you find pleasure,
Sing a song with measure,
Learn musical subtlety?
Where can you begin to
Make all your dreams come true,
On the E and on the C?

Where can you learn to make
A third really major,
No equal temp-er-ament;
Sign up for the big band,
Do just intonation:
Just as the composer meant?

        (chorus)
In the EB,
Down at Portsmouth with the crew;
Yes at Pompey,
Rediscov’r the musical you.
In the EB,
Yes you can hang around in bars;
Down at Pompey,
But they’ll defenestrate your cars.
In the EB,
Yes you can stack your vertebrae,
Down at Pompey,
At the end of the A3,
In the EB,
You can learn to sing pp!
In the EB, Down at Pompey...
We want you, we want you, we want you as a new recruit.

        (verse 2)
If you like adventure,
Don’t you wait to enter:
Come in just a bit early;
Lest you hesitate,
There is no need to wait,
Just give it plenty wel-l-y.

Maybe you are timid,
Temperant and diffid-
ent; Don’t worry ‘bout a thing;
For I’m sure there will be
Action underfoot, just
Put the tables in a ring.

        (more chorus)
In the EB,
Where the social life is fine;
In the EB,
We can exhaust all the wine.
In the EB,
Yes, the company’s divine,
In the EB, in the EB.
Down at Pompey,
Where the Solent waters lap;
Down at Pompey,
Where the CAMRA pub is crap;
Down at Pompey,
Come in and out just like the tides,
Down at Pompey,
You can wear your leather strides.
Down at Pompey,
You can see the Isle Of Wight;
Down at Pompey,
Scampi portions extra-light;
Down at Pompey,
Where the Sinfonia’s *****;
Down at Pompey, down at Pompey
We want you, we want you, we want you as a new recruit.

Down at Pompey,
Where the High Street’s got no shops;
In the EB,
Where the warm-up’s stretch and flops;
In the EB,
Yet you can sing Top Of The Pops;
Down at Pompey,
Where the road signs make no sense;
Down at Pompey,
Yes, the Grammar School’s immense;
Down at Pompey,
You’ll expand your musical genres,
Down at Pompey,
You can come out like Lazar.
Down at Pompey, In the EB.
We want you, we want you, we want you as a new recruit!

        (interlude)
Who, me?
But... but... I’ve got no aerial!
Hey look, man:
I get vertigo even sticking my head above the parapet!
They want you, they want you...
What am I gonna do in a heemiola?

        (yet more chorus)
In the Beehive,
You can come after you’ve gone;
In the Beehive,
Tune in with gay aban-don;
In the Beehive,
Doesn’t matter where you’re from;
In the Beehive,
You can still turn out a song.
In the Beehive,
It’s a microcosm of life;
In the Beehive,
Leave behind your trouble and strife,
In the Beehive
Where the joie de vivre is rife,
In the Beehive, In the Beehive.
We want you, we want you, we want you as a new recruit!


EBC newsletter 4.rtf v1.1 Neil Thompson 08 May 2002

Any comments or suggestions for future issues gratefully (?) received at news@ebc.org.uk

If you have received this in error, or no longer wish to subscribe, please email news@ebc.org.uk with the subject header "unsubscribe".